Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
