call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
