Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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