I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
