I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
