I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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