I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
