i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
