Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
