Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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