Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
