Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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