I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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