i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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