he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Floor bacon is actually really good
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
