I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
