I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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