Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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