i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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