is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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