I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
