i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
