Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
