you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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