I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
