"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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