Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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