Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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