I want to make a zoo with you.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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