I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Boobs speak an international language.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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