am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
