The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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