***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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