I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Did I show you my penis last night?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
