and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
