Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
