You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
