I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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