He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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