This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
