fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
