How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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