you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
