I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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