i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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