super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
