i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
