god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
