I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
