just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
