Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
